No Regrets

2 weekends ago, I had learnt an important lesson never to give up trying until the final moment.

I had written a previous entry 'Miss for 3 Years', trying to put down and let go a very strong desire to see Him one last time before He went for his long retreat. And goodness, I realised it was an extremely difficult task! On the week leading to His teaching in KL, this wish was always at the back of my mind, like some pending work 'nagging' at me for attention. I was contemplating how I must make it to KL or Hong Kong and analysing how I can do so. However, as the day went by day, this glimpse of hope became dimmer and dimmer until Friday night, when I knew it was impossible to go to KL. My colleague informed me of a potential donor who had just passed away and we meant I might need to work during the weekends. It was the final blow -- there goes my trip to KL!

The next Saturday morning, I woke up at 9am. My first thought when I opened my eyes was, "My friends are now attending the first session of the teaching." As this thought went on, I did not believe I could possibly join them there. In contrary, I was sitting at home, still waiting for the case to go through and ready to leave for the hospital anytime.

Before breakfast, I did my daily practice. But I hadn't been able to concentrate the whole time. As I continued, emotions began to well up until I couldn't hold on any longer -- I broke down uncontrollably. I was taken aback by the intensity of this emotion. I was still harborung this wish of going KL until this final moment when all seemed impossible by now. But I was not prepared to give up without a 'fight' -- I was very determined to give it my last shot, no matter how the outcome might turned out. For all it knows, this time, my stubborn character helped me...

I asked my colleague for the update on the pending case. She sms-ed back, saying the donor wasn't medically suitable. I then proceeded to ask if I can go KL since the case was called off. Unlike the previous 2 times when she gave an outright answer of no, she gave me an option this time -- if my other colleague from another department agree to stand in for me, I can go. If he doesn't give the green light, I can't go anywhere. Half a battle won -- I then proceeded to sms my this colleague to ask him for this huge favour to stand-in for me for a day, and thank Buddha, he said ok!

I was exhilarated!!! I couldn't believe it -- I can go KL at last! By now, it was already 11:30am. However, the obstacles were not over yet. I wasted no time and went online to buy air tickets -- to my frustration, I wasn't allow to book online. I went straight to the phone and called the airline who informed that I couldn't book the flight I wanted as the time then was less than 4 hours from take-off time. Hence, I asked for a next available flight. It took quite a while for the transaction to be approved as there was a problem with the credit card payment. By now, I was busy multi-tasking -- while waiting for my purchase of the departure ticket to be approved, my eyes were already back on the screen checking for the return flight from another airline. When departure ticket was finalised, I went on to book the the ticket for the return flight. Relief soon turned into more frustration as the same problem occurred. What made it worse was that I could never get through their main line...arghh what kind of airline is this! Fortunately, after refreshing the website umpteenth times, I succeeded in booking online. Immediately, I started to pack my belongings in a small backpack, ready to go.

At the airport, it was a very strange and surreal feeling -- a while ago, I just woke up without plan and air tickets. And now, I actually ended up in the departure hall of Changi airport?! I couldn't believe it! I just couldn't believe that in a few hours' time, I would see Him again.

Once I reached KL, everything happened as I wished. On the day of arrival on Saturday, I attended His last session of teaching for the day. When He left the teaching hall, He was very surprised to see me here in KL. He spoke to me a few words and I managed to speak with Him for a while. I was feeling absolutely thrilled and contented. Now, I thought, even if I got a tongue-lashing from my colleagues on Monday when I returned to work, it was all worth it...

When it was time to leave on the next day, I bade Him farewell and requested Him to take care for the next 3 years. Whatever I wanted to say to Him, I already did. This time, I no longer felt sad or emotional. Instead, I parted from Him happily. I was contented to fulfil this wish -- now I had no regrets!

This dramatic turn of events just reinforced to me that everything is uncertain -- in trying times when things aren't going our way, we should perservere and never give up. A 'miracle' might happen, just like it had happened to me...